I would recommend just skipping over this post entirely seeing as how I'm needing a release right now, and for some reason this seemed like a good idea.
I think I have pretty much always been painfully shy, so you would think that by this point in my life I would be better at being put into new situations. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case. It takes me quite awhile to become comfortable and talkative with people. Once I feel comfortable around people I can talk a lot but getting to that point is painful.
I also hate having to leave amazing friends behind every time I move. You know the friends that completely and 100% understand you. Those friends that you don't have to say anything and they know what you are thinking. The friends that call at the perfect time just to say hi, or ask if you want to hang out.
I'm sure things will get better, but I just hate this initial part of moving. I hate the not knowing anyone. I hate the feeling that everyone already has their close group of friends, with no room for one more. I hate the feeling of not feeling good enough, wondering if anyone is going to want to get to know me. I hate the awkwardness of not feeling comfortable around anyone yet. That feeling of trying to make a good impression, but feeling like I'm a big dork. Hearing my phone ring, and knowing it's my mom calling, because she's the only one that ever calls me. By the way thank you mom for always calling :)
Having my evening consist of hanging out with a little person that doesn't say anything back when I talk to her. Because here it is almost 10:00 at night, my husband has been gone all day at work (he leaves at 5:00 in the morning) only to come home long enough so I can throw some food at him before he turns around and walks out the door again, off to his church meetings. I'm sure he will be back just soon enough to crawl into bed, and do it all over again tomorrow.
Yep it's official I STRONGLY dislike this phase of the moving process. I think it's just been a ruff week. Things have been touch and go with Logan's case. In between trips to the Guatemalan embassy in DC (Bella and I braved it on our own) we were told at one point that because of an expired home study we might not be able to bring Logan home. That's right even if we got his pink slip to go get him, we would have to tell them we need to reschedule for a different time, in order to wait on a home study and back ground check. Which have already been done over twice as it is because it has taken so dang long to get this little guy home. Just what every mother wants to hear; look how close you are to getting your son home, oh wait, maybe next month will be better. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? We have been working on Logan's case for over two years now. It's times like this that I want to throw my hands up in the air and ask Heavenly Father, "Are you serious? I'm done learning! I'm done going through this trial! I can't take any more!!! Enough is enough!"
Alright, I suppose I feel a little better getting all that off my chest. I think I have officially finished my rant and rave. Sometimes it feels good just to get every thing out. I will try and end on a few positive points. I read a really good talk by Elder Wirthlin, and in it he said, "While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." That really inspires me to try and be faithful because all these tears of sadness will one day be happy ones. I can't imagine going through this time with out our little miracle Bella. It sure is hard to stay sad for very long when you see her sweet smile. Another positive, is that I have a husband who is health and is able to work hard for our family. That really is a blessing that many people don't get to appreciate. Plus it's nice to know that we will have eternity to spend with each other. Another positive is Bella and I are going to the library tomorrow for story time, and maybe we will meet some new people there. My final positive note is that I know Logan is in Heavenly Father's hands and He will bring him home at the right time.
8 comments:
Yes, but as you move on, you acquire more new friends. And as you stay in touch with them as they, too, move on, you are left with something very precious: a place to sleep and a travel guide in cities all over the world. Woo-hoo!
Aww, sweetie!
I can't even begin to imagine how things are with Logan, but I certainly understand the moving part.
If you want to know a little secret: I still feel that way about where we live. People are really nice here, and I would call them my 'friends' but unless I ask people to do stuff, I don't do anything. I can't remember the last time anyone ever called me to see if I wanted to go places with them or just hang out.
I wish I had better advice for you; but at least I can say that I understand. Maybe one of us will find the magic solution, and then we can let the other one in on it.
Have fun at story time, it's a great place to go!
I know how you feel. When David and I first got married and I moved to Corvallis I felt the same way for a long time. Honestly, I didn't have any married friends for a long time. It was really hard. I will say though, that I am VERY grateful for the Relief Society. It is because of my activity in the RS that I found friends. Even so here in our new ward in Salem. I try to be as active as I can in RS (between bed rest and whatnot) and it has paid off. I have been able to make so many friends. So that is my suggestion. Immerse yourself in the RS and everything they do. In time you will find many friends, and among them you will find that one friend you know you can count on for anything! :)
I TOTALLY know how you are feeling, well with the moving part. It takes a long time to make great friends. Try looking into playgroups with Bella or music classes or other "Mommy and Me' classes where you can meet other moms.
I wish we were closer too. I am praying that everything gets easier for you guys. I love that we have reconnected, thanks for your blog... it keeps me updated and I love it! xoxox
Oh my goodness, this is so how I have been feeling lately. And we moved back to our hometown where we know people, and it is SITLL hard. I really thought it would be different, especially having a baby now. But both Bryce and I are just socially awkward. We have NO friends to do anything with, it is no fun.
I am sorry that you are having a hard time and I really hope it gets better, with Logan's case and with making friends.
I am sad that we never got together before you moved...
Clearly we need to hang out.
Here I go, off to call you right now!
Um... as soon as I find your phone number. Crap. Why don't I have your phone number? I am obviously a lousy friend because your number is not here on my speed dial... Off to work on that!
I'm so sorry sweetie that you are feeling like this. I know EXACTLY how you fee. Because we moved so much when you guys were growing up I so hoped that all of you would be able to go to school, get married, have kids, all while staying in the same town. (Preferably the one by me and your dad). I don't know why God puts these "opportunities" in front of us but I do know looking back on the trials that I have had, I have learned so much, most of all that my Heavenly Father, my Heavenly Mother, and the Savior love me very much. And are many times the only ones that I can turn to for peace.
Hey!! I know you wrote this several days ago and probably just needed to vent, but I totally know how you feel. I also VERY strongly dislike moving. it's totally hard getting adjusted and familarized with a new area. Just know that you can call me whenever!! However, I just realized that I don't have your phone number yet. I gotta get that from you! We can always meet up anytime and anywhere for a play date. And know that you can ALWAYS come over to my house and hang out!!! I was really home ALL day today just hanging out with Madi. I'm sorry for how frustrating this whole thing with Logan is. That's exciting that he'll be coming home next week!! YEAH!!!
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