Mother's Day

I have had a lot of emotions today with it being Mother's Day.  I have thought about my own mother, and the influence that she has had on my life.  I feel that much of who I am is because of my mother.  I hope that as my mother sees me being a mother, that I am someone she can be proud of.   Even though I can't be there to give her a hug on Mother's Day, I hope she knows that she is loved and adored. 

Today is also my first Mother's Day with my sweet Logan in our home.  It has been such a struggle to get him home.  I realized today that I wasn't thinking about how fun things would be 'once Logan gets here', because he was finally home.  It was such an amazing feeling to be able to give him a hug, hold him in my arms, and give him a kiss.  I feel lucky to call him "My Logan".  He is my son, and I feel so lucky to hear the sound of his voice saying, "Mommy".  I think it's the closest thing to heaven on earth.

I also love having the sweetest little girl in the world.  I feel like Bella is our miracle baby.  She came into our home when I was feeling so hopeless and helpless.  She was the part of our family that I didn't even know was coming, but once she came I couldn't imagine a day without hearing her giggles, or seeing her smile.  

Shortly after we were married Jeff gave me a rocking chair for Valentine's Day with a note that said he was looking forward to seeing me rock our babies to sleep in that chair.  For years when I would look at that chair it would bring tears, and heartache.  That is until Bella came home.  She was our first baby that I got to rock to sleep in that chair.  She changed my outlook and my heart.  What an amazing gift from God!

I also feel so incredible blessed to be married to this amazing man.  He was a champ filling in for me today.  He made food, changed diapers, gave hugs when needed, just gave me a day to relax.  

We've had to go through many ups and downs in our marriage, but the thing I feel so grateful for is that even with all the trials we have faced there has also been an incredible amount of joy during our time together.    I know that the majority of joy that has come into my life has come because of Jeff.  Jeff is amazing at building me up, and making me feel like I am the most beautiful woman and best mother in the world (even when I don't feel like either one is true).  I don't know what I would do with out him in my life, and it's the greatest thing to know that as we go through this life we will be holding each other's hand.

I feel so blessed today and every day to be called mama by these two amazing little spirits that I get to call my children.  I know without a doubt that I was meant to be their mom and they were meant to be my babies.  

While my heart is full today it also breaks for all the woman that are trying so desperately to become mothers, and haven't gotten what their heart aches for.  Today in church the primary children sang a song.  I remember not very long ago, looking at those kids through tear stained eyes wondering if I would ever get to have kids sing me a song on Mother's Day.  Today as I looked over at my two little miracle babies dancing to the music (yes they dance in sacrament meeting) I cried tears of happiness, and I cried tears of pain for those mother's whom this day is not a holiday by any means.  Tonight as I go to sleep I will say a little prayer for those mother's who ache to hold a baby in their arms, and hope that they will find peace in the arms of the Savior.

To all the mother's and hopeful mother's out there my thoughts are with you.